How To Have A Good Family Fight

Every family, including believers, will have disagreements at times. Nothing is worse than a bad family fight, and I want to teach you how to disagree in such a way that you achieve a positive outcome that strengthens your family.

“ For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work. ” James 3:16

“ If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. ” Romans 12:18

“ It is an honour for a man to cease from strife: but every fool will be meddling. ” Proverbs 20:3

One of the doors that Satan likes to push wide open so that destruction can enter is the door of family strife and disagreement. Following are eleven steps to having a good family fight.

  1. Acknowledge the need for a confrontation and recognize that disagreement is not a threat. There are times when a sit-down, face-to-face conversation is a necessary and good thing. Unresolved or unacknowledged conflicts cause many problems such as jealousy, lack of appreciation, and alienation from each other. Problems don't start off as nuclear issues; they grow over time if not dealt with.
  2. Be objective; take a look at what caused the conflict so that you can deal with the real issue. Unfortunately, once a person decides to see something one way, he will see everything through that filter, even if though that may not be the core issue. Although love thinks the best (see 1 Corinthians 13), most people aren't trained to think the best; human beings usually think the worst first, thus building a case in their minds which affects how they act and react.
  3. Confess your guilt, your neglect, your hostility, and your resentment to the Father (see 1 John 1:9). If you're filled with guilt because you haven't dealt with sin, it will be hard for you to flow with other people in the family. The flesh's lust is to get revenge, to prove you're right, to uphold your pride, and to win an argument at all cost (see Galatians 5:16). You need the Holy Ghost on the inside to tell you what to do and what to say. To walk in the Spirit, you need to pray in tongues every day. Without daily prayer, you don't get daily leading.
  4. Pray for enlightenment and help for your family member with whom you are in conflict. The Holy Spirit will show family members things that only He could reveal to them.
  5. Discuss blind spots—an area where you have no awareness or understanding—with your family member. Any member of your family ought to be able to come to you, and say, "Can I talk to you about something?" Your initial response may be to get defensive, but there's nothing you shouldn't be able to talk about in love (see Ephesians 4:15). Discussing blind spots is iron sharpening iron (see Proverbs 27:17). If you don't discuss blind spots, they'll continue to be blind spots, and patience will run low, precipitating a crisis that could have been avoided.
  6. Make sure the time is right and listen. If the other party is not ready to talk, don't continue the discussion (see Ephesians 4:1). Listen in an effort to see the issue from their side; they don't feel the way you feel. Listen without interrupting or defending yourself, and treat whatever is told to you as important; don't trivialize it. Let your family members know that your love will hold up under their expression of feelings or disappointment. Love requires trust, and trust requires making yourself vulnerable
  7. Aim your remarks at the problem, not the person. You want to keep the pride and self esteem of your family member intact. You want to come out of this dispute being stronger, not weaker (see Ephesians 4:29).
  8. Lower your voice (see Proverbs 15:1). Choose to control your reaction so that your response does not stir up anger.
  9. When you have a discussion with someone in your family, don't tell everybody else (see Proverbs 17:9). You will destroy the trust in a relationship and the person won't come to you again.
  10. Finish with love. Whether or not the issue is settled, your love and respect for each other should remain strong. If you were wrong, unkind, or headstrong, admit it. Ask for forgiveness; be reconciled. There are four words that are of critical importance in family relationships: "I'm sorry," and "Forgive me." It is not weakness to admit that you missed it; it is a strength.
  11. Pray for and with members of your family after you talk. Don't use prayer as a last dig, however. You and your family member are in this together, and if you own the problem, your partner may be more understanding and listen with a more responsive attitude the next time.

This article is written by Bishop Keith A. Butler

In his signature line-by-line style, Bishop Keith A. Butler travels the world teaching the Word of God without compromise. Bishop Butler is dedicated to teaching believers how to live their faith. He is the founder of Word of Faith International Christian Center and the Senior Pastor of faith4life churches in Round Rock and Dallas, Texas.

As Bishop, he oversees 14 ministry operations in the United States. Bishop Butler has also established several international ministry works. The Word of Faith Ministerial Alliance is a fellowship of ministers and Christian leaders who have received Bishop Butler as their spiritual father and/or mentor. Through its companion website,, ministers and Christian leaders can find valuable resources to aid them in their ministry callings.

Bishop Butler has a nationally televised program on the Golden Eagle Broadcasting Network called “Live your Faith”.He is the author of over 24 books with such titles as Living Life on Top, The Art of Prayer, God’s Not Mad at You and God’s Plan for Man. With the support of his lovely wife, Pastor Deborah L. Butler, and their children: Pastor Andre Butler and wife Tiffany Butler (granddaughters Alexis, Angela, & April), Pastor MiChelle, and Minister Kristina Butler Bishop Butler continues to plant churches worldwide.